satans-fabulous-blog: morphingly: brightredkettle: are you the SAT because i’d do you for 3 hours and 45 minutes with a ten minute break halfway through for snacks That’s the most reasonable pick up line I’ve ever heard. You’re hired.
battybatty: Roll me up in a blanket like a burrito and kiss me
sfux: i feel like people who eat breakfast really have their lives together
yesimbeyonce: “FUCK KANYE WEST” the white girl says as she blasts her iPod full of Taylor Swift songs, still engulfed with rage 3 years later
togamivevo: in third grade this kid got in trouble for saying “be free my niggas” when we released the butterflies
dansecondchannel: “What are you doing this weekend?” “What are you doing this summer?” “What are you doing with your life?”
tupacabra: hidden autoplay
too-stoned-to-remember: Why do dogs go mental when they see another dog I imagine that in their heads they’re like THAT IS DOG I AM DOG DOG DOG DOG DOG DOG DOG
lnfamy: dont you fucking talk shit about garlic bread
darrynek: hello 911 yes i’d like to report a murder this bitch killed my vibe
stanleypuberick: my patronus: a pale, overweight quentin tarantino struggling to climb out of the water and onto his yacht.
pizza: when someone is telling me a story all I can think about is that i can’t wait for them to finish so that I can tell my own story that’s better and involves me
blein: sO my friend’s dog died and she lives in new york city and so she had to take it to the vet by the subway and she put the dead dog in the suitcase on the subway and it was a pretty big dog and some dude saw that she was struggling with the suitcase so he asked if she needed help with it and he said do you mind me asking what’s in it and she didnt want to say a dead dog so shE SAID IT WAS...